Six Marriage Truths From a Newlywed
Happy Friday, friends! Christmas is less than a week away, and our 6-month wedding anniversary is on the 23rd! Now, I know being married for six months is not really that big of a deal. Heck, I’ve had a few patients tell me they have been married for over 60 years! 60! So, I am keeping in mind that I am clearly not full of the wisdom that comes with decades of marriage. But, I do have a few things to share with you. Specifically six marriage truths from a newlywed, aka me. Plus, I will be sharing more wedding pictures! I mean, everyone loves wedding pictures, right?!
If you have been married for a while, leave me some advice in the comments below. Getting married soon? I hope this post gives you a little dose of reality, but not in a scary way, I promise. 🙂
Before I get going on these six marriage truths from yours truly, I wanted to make sure you were all caught up on the wedding celebrations around here! Be sure to check out my wedding re-cap, honeymoon part 1, honeymoon part 2, top Etsy favorites, and my biggest wedding regrets.
Six Truths About Marriage From a Newlywed
1. If you lived together prior to getting married, it doesn’t feel that different.
I’m not saying that it doesn’t feel special or good or whatever, but honestly, our lives have not changed. I didn’t expect marriage to feel incredibly different from being engaged, or even how I felt towards the end of dating for that matter, because we have lived together for over half of our relationship. But I do think I expected there to be a slight shift in reality. Ha!
I guess you could say that it doesn’t physically feel any different. You still come home to most likely, the same apartment or house. In general, your daily routine doesn’t change all that much. That is not to say that you won’t feel emotionally different. There is a much stronger sense of commitment when you sign on that dotted line! You are officially, 100% teammates, partners, etc. and that absolutely feels good. Embrace those happy-go-lucky feelings!
*** If you have not lived together and are getting married, I have one major suggestion: divide your chores now and stick to it. Jarrett and I divvied up the household chores prior to moving in together and have stuck to that arrangement. I cook, he does the dishes. I do the cat litter, he does the trash, and so on. This has saved us from many little petty arguments about who left the dishes in the sink. Save your energy for the real, tough discussions that come with serious relationships and leave this silly stuff out of it.
2. People will start asking you about when you want to have children. Immediately.
You probably already knew this, because maybe people are asking you this question already! People are nosy, plain and simple, so just get used to it. In my experience, this question usually comes from people on the outskirts of your life. Think gym acquaintances, friends of your parents, etc. For me, this question mostly comes from my patients! I guess it is more common to have children younger and sometimes even before marriage in the community where I work, but man, they are rushing us!
I do want to say though, that if Jarrett was not currently enrolled in nursing school, we would probably be considering having children sooner than we plan to. That does not take away the fact that it’s not the most polite thing in the world to ask someone when they are starting a family.
3. Changing your name is a huge process.
You guys. Here is a real marriage truth from a newlywed: I have only changed my name in roughly 25% of the places that I need to. Until you get married, you do not realize how many important things your name is on! It’s ridiculous!
So far, I have changed my social security card. That is your definite first step, ladies, because this is what everything else refers to. Additionally, I have changed my driver’s license, passport, bank accounts, and physical therapy license.
But, here’s just a little list of where else I need to work on: retirement accounts, car insurance, car registration, renter’s insurance, health insurance, credit cards, student loans, EZ pass, electric bill, etc.
Let me know if you want a thorough post about the name change process. I’ll include some of my tips and tricks, plus a print-off PDF of where you need to switch that name over. Comment below and let me know your thoughts on this and if it would be helpful!
4. Finances become a lot more complicated.
Money is never uncomplicated, but now you have two incomes, multiple areas of debt, and future money goals to combine! That doesn’t even take into account that you maybe (hopefully not, but probably) racked up a bit of credit card debt paying for your wedding or honeymoon.
The best thing Jarrett and I have done is create an excel spreadsheet with all of our combined debt listed out with interest rates. It’s not the nicest thing to look at, but its reality and sometimes you need that kick in the behind. We broke down all of our student loans, car loans, and current credit card statements, and then made a hit list. We are making sure we carry a zero-balance on the credit card and then tackling those loans, eliminating the smallest balance first.
Want a more in-depth post about paying off debt? Let me know!
Aside from that debt, you may be thinking about saving for a down payment or planning for a future baby. Prepare to be completely honest about money; how it makes you feel, what your expectations are regarding your lifestyle, how you plan to continue earning an income. Communication, in all aspects of a relationship, is key, but especially when it comes to finances.
5. People will treat you a lot more like an adult now that you have someone you call “husband” or “wife.”
This was a huge surprise to me! People tell me all the time that I look younger than I am. I occasionally have patients ask me if I am a student, which annoys the heck out of me. But, I have been told to appreciate it now because I won’t get that forever.
Now though, I do find that people either assume I am older, or just mature enough to be a “real adult” once that they see a wedding band. It’s kind of a strange phenomenon and let me know if you have also experienced this. People just seem to treat me with a bit more respect, which I don’t want to complain about. This was a marriage truth that I just wasn’t expecting to feel post-wedding.
6. You will really like telling people about your wedding and/or saying that you’re married.
Last, but not least, I find that I still really enjoy saying the word “husband” or showing people wedding pictures! Maybe this glow will wear off, but I hope I am always this excited about my relationship with Jarrett. Tell me the truth: if you have been married > 3 years, do you still get a little giddy when you see a ring on his hand, or distracted by your ring when the sunlight hits just right? Promise me you know what I’m talking about and that I don’t just sound like a crazy high school girl with a crush. Haha!
Anyways, everyone’s experience with marriage is different, but those are a few things I have learned and/or noticed over the last six months! I hope this post was a little helpful, maybe a little entertaining. If you are a newlywed, tell me what you have discovered recently! What are your marriage truths?
Now, ready for some wedding pictures?
In all likelihood, there will not be another post on the blog until January! I am going to take some time to celebrate the holidays with my family, and dance the night away at my sister’s wedding on December 29th! See you in 2019!